39.

fuckkkkkk. its 12:25 am. but it still says tuesday? scoreeeee :D no one needs to know i kinda sorta missed a day. hmm, today wasnt productive at all. i figured out rides for the mall tomorrow, because me krysten and amy are going to see under spinning lights. at hot topic, and then we're hanging out with them. then we're sleeping over amys :] do fucking want them all. tomorrow will be a good day. OH! jacob wanted me to say hai to him in here, so hai jacob :] you big floppy fish you. lmfaoooo. <3

38.

write later.

12:19 am - okay, so its technically tuesday. but i didnt get to write till now. i woke up around 10, got ready, and then went to the beach with krysten. this was one of the many pictures we took. we had a really good time :D then, we both went home and showered and shit, and walked to carvel together with katrina. katrina left us, and kryss came back to my house. then amy came over, and we chilled for a bit, till taylor and steph wanted us to walk to target. so we did that, and i bought candy, which is already pretty much gone. then me, amy and kryss hung out together. it was fun :] there was a lot of laughs today. lmao, push popsssss. good times. i fucking love my bestfriends, and the summer. wednesday, im going to the mall to see under spinning lights at hot topic, then we're chilling with them after :D gonna be fun. xo

37.

9:46 pm - just got back from wicks park with katrina not too long ago. i was supposed to hangout with sayum, but she couldnt get a ride over. anyways, we walked to the park, where i took this picture, and talked about things. she told me about prom, and i told her about my problems. i love having talks like that. we can be so open with each other, its amazing. i thought about some really interesting things as we were talking. its amazing how two people, friends or lovers, can be so close, and then the next day they mean pretty much nothing to each other. its just so weird. i dont want that to happen with my friends, because its already happened with other people. its really fucking sad. im usually not the type of person to just stop all contact with another. i usually try and stay in touch. i met some cool people in florida in april, and i still talk to them to this day. i cant stand losing people. and i think a lot of others feel the same way. my friend jordan from florida told me something on the last night we were there. it was "gosh i hate this....for some reason its bothering me that i'll never see you guys again...but im gonna go to sleep that way i dont get sad too much." i dont know, i just thought it was adorable. i miss them, just like im going to miss you. and im going to feel the same exact way jordan did. goodnight, xo.

36.

4:48 pm - so, last night fucking sucked. i guess all good things have to come to an end. i wish this didnt though. i dont know. we'll see what happens. i hate losing people completely, it sucks a lot. so i did absolutely nothing today. im kind of not in the mood to do anything, except for sleep. i dont know, i just feel so alone now. and i hate this feeling. maybe i'll write more later. bye.

35.

1:18 pm - im still upset, but im getting better. i mean, it doesnt even seem like you care, so why should i? i give myself this advice, but i dont follow it. i wish i would, but its hard. anyways, i got a hair cut at like 9:30 am. i dont know why so early, but whatever. i just got it trimmed, and got shorter bangs. im happy with it. i really have nothing to say, i just wish you wouldnt leave. being obvious once again, but who the fuck cares. speaking of caring, i dont think you realize how much i do care. and theres plenty of other people who do, and who will miss you. okay, i swear im done talking about this whole situation. i just wish you'd talk to me about it, but you're not. and i think you should. goodbye.

34.

3:04 pm - tehe, hot guitarist ^_^ okay, what the shit. why am i smiling, i have no reason to be. you're leaving me. i know you miss it, but what about me? do i matter the slightest bit? i know im not going to be the reason you would stay, but do you care that im fucking upset as hell? im never going to see you again in my life. thats what hurts the most. it would be different if i got to see you next year in school or something, but never again? thats what hurts me the most. i have so much more i could say, but i want to avoid tears. i've cried enough today. and these past two weeks. hopefully the last time i see you will be amazing, and who knows, maybe it'll change something. but i doubt it. im going to fucking miss you. so will a lot of other people. mall with sayum, paloma and izzy later probs. goodbye.

10:37 pm - i got back from the outlets with sayum a while ago. paloma and izzy had to stay home and help set up for lomas party tomorrow. cant wait for that, it'll get my mind off shit. too bad its back on my mind now, and its not going anywhere anytime soon. it keeps fucking repeating like a broken record, im only going to see you once more in my whole entire life. i cant believe this is coming to an end. honestly, im being so fucking obvious right now, and i dont give a shit. its my blog. i can say whatever the fuck i want. sorry for the language, but im just like so upset right now, that its starting to turn into anger. FUCK. i dont know what to do with myself. im going crazy. look at what im going through, and you just cant wait to be fucking done with me. sorry that im terrible, i mean i only did plenty of nice things for you. you even said it was the coolest thing someone's done for you. hm, way to be obvious amanda. i dont fucking give a shit. lmao, this is getting intense. i feel like i could go on forever. so, im going to continue. i bet this is entertaining. anyways, i bet you dont care at all for me. im probably the biggest annoyance in your life right now, and im probably helping to drive you away. cool. sorry im not fucking perfect. gah, im so done with you. but then again, i dont want you to leave. confusing right? what isnt these days. i dont even know what to do anymore. you probably dont want to see me one last time, but guess what, you're gonna anyways. thats the least you could do. you cant just pick up and leave, you really cant. im going to fucking miss you. xo

33.

eeeek, no picture again today. im slacking >.< but i dont even have a desire to write in here anymore, now that i know my whole family stalks my blog. its one thing if they do it, but they dont have to tell me they do. they're probably reading this as a matter of fact. uhm, today im going to a demi lovato concert. hahahahahaha. my dad got free tickets, and is pretty much making me go. but, i guess it will be fun. i probably wont have time to write later. my parents say im 'addicted' to my computer. i think they're wrong. i just want to talk to my friends. they're the best friends i could ever ask for <3

32.

>.<

thats my picture for the day, lulz. im not going to write a lot today. finally saw nik todai. tomorrow im gonna be with alanna all day :] my family stalks my blog. so, hi guys! o_O goodnight.

31.

9:49 pm - fortune cookies :D they were from amy's house last friday. they say "dont let unexpected situations throw you" and, "your secret desire to completely change your life will manifest". i thought they were cute. so, today was a little disappointing. it started with me knowing absolutely shit on my math final. good thing it wasnt a regents, or i'd be in summer school. although, i probably didnt do as bad as i think. i couldnt hangout with anyone tonight, because they all have early tests tomorrow, and i have none. but, i do think i finally understand something. and i feel terrible about it. not because it's my fault, but just because i feel bad. all the times i've complained about my family. but i really do have it good. im pretty darn lucky. i dont know if you'll read this, or if you'll know it's about you, but as i've told you, im always here for you. and i want you to know that, and understand that im not going anywhere. no matter what, or where we stand. im really sorry that you are upset :( i wish i could help, but there is simply nothing i can do. what i can do, is make you happy in other ways. and i plan on doing that. so anyways, im not going with my family on vacation to pennsylvania in july. to be honest, im pretty happy about that. i dont know, its just not my thing. i dont think my mom and stepdad understand that, but i just dont enjoy it. i will miss them though. its officially summer! too bad it wont stop raining. it doesnt feel like summer at all. actually, this feels so weird. i dont have to go back to school for like, two months or so. i need that to sink in, and then it will feel like summer. and sun. im officially free :D yayayay. oh! i almost forgot to mention my new bestfriend mason. hahahahaha, happy? :] lulz. i think thats all for now, goodbai :D

30.

8:13 pm - i wish i took that picture. went into the city today for fathers day. i saw my grandpa and my aunt. boring :\ but whatever. i have a huge headache. and, tomorrow is my last test. then its officially summer. hopefully the weather will get better. hopefully tomorrow will be a good day :] <3

29.

everything is all worked out :] im so happy :D this picture is SO irrelevant. but i'll make something of it. your dog will always be extremely happy to see you, no matter what. and they can't get mad at you, hahahaha. it sounds so dumb, but its so true. and they give you the best greeting ever. like, they flip a shit when they see you, even if you were only gone for five minutes. okay, im done. lmao, goodbye <3

28.

8:37 pm - bad mood, again. this week has been horrible. i've barely seen you, or talked to you. you haven't been here when i needed you. actually, you haven't really been here at all this week. wtf. this isnt okay. i wonder if you give a shit. we are supposed to be close. i cant really elaborate, because i dont want it to be too obvious.... krysten and taylor just asked me to hangout with them. saviors <3 i'll contine my rant later. i love my bestfriends <3

12:56 am - so, its technically a new day. but all of this shit went down yesterday [friday] and i need to talk about it. 1) i cant believe you. not going to get into detail, but im very very angry and upset. 2) thank you to a certain person, you did the right thing. 3) i love my best friends. they are always here for me and are giving me advice. there's krysten, who always tries to think positive and cheer me up. then there's taylor, who is SO blunt and straight-foward. its pretty actually hilarious. she tells it how it is, and she taught me tonight to not let people walk all over me. lmao, anyways we looked at old yearbooks, talked about stuff, and had a good time. i dont know where i would be without my best friends. they are truly amazing. i love you all <3

27.

10:40 am - its raining, again. i took this picture in december. but i felt like it shows the weather, and my mood. i feel so alone, and cold. i dont get how you could disappear during the conversation we were having. i havent talked to you since. i better talk to you today about it. just got back from the english final, it sucked. and tomorrow i get to write two essays about global. its going to suck even more. dnw. im expecting a text, but i shouldnt sit here staring at my phone. i guess i will go back to sleep, if i can. im extremely upset and kind of mad right now. but thats no different from any other day. im disappointed, too. goodbye.

5:36 pm - stop fucking disappearing when we're talking. i havent had a conversation with you for more than 20 minutes in like a week. what the hell. i barely talk to you or see you. i thought we were close. apparently not, and apparently you dont give a shit. or you just dont show it. by the way to whoever is reading this, dont make assumptions on who its about. some people may know who it's about. but this can be about anyone. so yeah. goodbye.

26.

2:43 pm - i took that a while ago, but i thought it was cool. uhm, just got back from the chem regents. it was alright i guess. i bull shitted a lot of answers, but hopefully i passed. 3 more tests and im officially done. the 22nd is my last test. math. hopefully that will be a good day ;] i still need to find someone to go to the cab with me, that can drive one way. errr, gonna go find some food. idk what im doing later. bye!

5:19 pm - honestly, i dont think you care. so if you dont, i wont bother to care either. the end.

10:11 pm - hmm. barely talked to you all day. as a matter of fact, barely talked to you this whole week. i dont get it. in better news, my bestest friend ever krysten, bought herself and i tickets for nevershoutnever! :D that made my night. im so appreciative to have friends that would do that for me <3 i love youuuuu kryss. but yeah, my night would be made if i could just talk to you. but i dont know. had a fight with mommy earlier in the day. not good. i guess i'll be going to sleep soon, english final tomorrow. bye :\

25.

2:39 pm - trying to study for chem. its really annoying. i dont understand half of it. as long as i pass, im good. my laptop charger is broken. my dad is gonna kill me. maybe we can go get a new one tonight? i dont know. i have no money. maybe not being on the computer since it'll be dead will help me. except then i cant check my answers online. fuckkkker. i just want all the tests to be over. went to amys last night with krysten :] it schwas a good time. i found out something today, and some stuff went down, but i dont know if i can trust you. i mean you are supposed to be one of my bestfriends, but theres just something present in our friendship that throws it off. too many lies, and talking behind my back. i dont know what to do. but i guess i should trust you, and just not worry about it. 43 minutes remaining on my battery. i guess i should finish my chem regents and check my answers before it dies. goodbye!

edit @ 2:50 pm - epic fail. the charger isnt broken, its just not plugged in all the way. i feel like an idiot, lmfao. oh well, at least i have my laptop ^.^

24.

4:34 pm - lololol. out with the best tonight? hopefully <3 SUMMER 2009 :] gonna be amazing.

23.

2:35 pm - i need to do my hair >.<

EDIT @ 10:27 PM - EVERYTHING JUST GOT ERASED. STUPID ASSHOLES.
dnw to retype everything, after i just poured my heart out. hahahahahaha. fml. goodbye!

22.

5:15 pm - a rocket to the moon ftw. taken with my new phone :] now i dont have a piece of shit as a cell. i got the env touch, its pretty cool. probably hanging out with kryss later. i dont know what we're doing yet though. we were gonna go to the mall and meet up with some people, but i dont think that's happening anymore. oh well! i did a little bit of my fashion project last night. eep, im never going to finish. i need to make sure i finish the concept board this weekend. or im pretty much fucked. its my final grade. ugh, maybe i'll go do that now. i probably should. and i'll probably edit later. goodbye <3

21.

11:19 pm - such a cute picture :] it makes me want to go to the beach. hung out with nik all night. we watched quarantine, eeep. sao scary. cause i dont like scary movies, but i do at the same time. the second he exits the car, my dad starts ranting. but whatever. he bought nik an all time low ticket, which he's gonna pay him back for. but just incase it sells out, he got it now. i appreciate the fact my dad did that, but apparently he doesnt think i do. just because i didnt say "oh thanks for buying him a ticket" or something along those lines. honestly, i think its pretty dumb. i was appreciative, i just didnt say anything. im not perfect, so what? haha i give up. im gonna work on my fashion project some more tonight probably. there isnt too much i can do. i dont have any desire to do it. i dont know, maybe it'll be fun? lol its fashion. it cant be that bad. so the prank today of pulling the fire alarm during the rain aaaaand senior awards, pretty genious. but it kind of sucked. lolol mr. stewart is so fucking pissed. i would be too. but i give props to who ever did it :P but im really tired. and dont know what to write anymore. i had a good night, all because of you :] xo.

20.

8:19 pm - the making of my wall. and my dirty vanity :X eep, whatever. today was decent. i found out i get my braces off july 21st :D im so freaking excited for that. AND that day i have the cab / a rocket to the moon. its gonna be a good day (: making the mold for my retainers was torture. the "strawberry" flavored mold tasted like shit. and it got all over the place. but it was over soon enough. then i hung out with nik. and now im back at my moms. danny made me download skype, and now im trying to figure this shit out. blaaah. probably gonna do some of my fashion project later. considering tmw is the last day? true. school is almost over. YAY! goodbye(:

19.

6:31 pm - meeeep, no picture today. im at my grandmas on her slow ass computer writing this and i dont have the patience to find a picture, because it will take ages. hahaha, anyways im at my grandmas (obviously). i went home early today because i felt like shit. i got home and i had the worst cramps ( eeeep >.< ) and tried falling asleep but pretty much failed. then when i finally fell asleep, my mom woke me up because it was time to go to my grandmas. i had no homework last night, or tonight. i'll probably have to make it up though since i probably had math homework. im nowhere near done with my fashion project. so before i decided that i wish i was a good singer. some people think im good, but i dont see the logic behind that. i wouldnt know, because you always sound amazing to yourself. why do you think those horrible people try out for american idol? either just to be on tv, because they know they put the really bad people on, or because they think they're amazing. its kind of funny actually. i guess im not that bad haha. this is probably going to be a long entry, because im bored as fuck. also because im enjoying the sound this keyboard is making, lmfaolmfao. i get amused by the littlest things. anyways, i cant believe school is almost over. it doesnt feel like it at all. and when i say at all, i mean at all. i dont know, i cant believe next year im going to be a junior and have to start looking at colleges. holy shit. get that thought out of my head. eeep, mb i'll find a picture for this post. but i dont really know what to put. i swear this computer is the slowest thing everrrrrrr. ghfdjxkls. its pissing me off. im listening to goot. if you've never heard of them, go listen. they have a different sound, but its really good, :D beep. i think im done for now. goodbye!

8:58 pm - i added a picture! aladdin! its my favorite kid movie ever ever ever. <3333 its on tv right now and im watching it lmao, it happens to be my favorite part. now im in a really good mood. dont judge me [:

18.

8:43 pm - new shoes ftw. i came to the conclusion my camera sucks ass. and that i want a new one for my bday. i would appreciate it if school ended sooner than later. it just needs to all be over. i cant wait for summer. i need to have my room cleaned by monday, or my internet gets shut off. or at least thats what my stepdad says. maybe i'll start that tonight. i want my room clean anyways. now my mom is in my room. and i has to go. goodbai !

9:00 pm - okay, im back. lol i enjoy the fact both my parents read my blog. hi mom and dad! :\ hahahahaha, its whatever. they arent allowed to yell at me for anything i say here :] lmao anyways, im in an okay mood. i should work on my fashion stuff. considering its due FRIDAY and im no where near done. i guess i will go do that. goodbye againnn. sorry for the lack of words today.

17.

4:57 pm - bad mood. people are annoying me today. im pissed off. and yeah. i wanted to see you, but yeah... meh :\ i just want to cry. i need school to be over. i need everything to be better. my dad is pissing me off, alot. he asks if im in a bad mood, so he obviously can sense im in one. COOL. MY DAD FUCKING SHUT MY TEXTS OFF. FUCK THE WORLD.

10:09 pm - so yeah, i kind of just left before. thats because i was pissed off. i wanted my texts back, since i was in mid conversation with people. so instead of getting my texts kept off, i gave him my computer. obviously, i have it back now. and i have my texts too. sweet.but im still not in that good of a mood. sunday/today were bad days. its going to get better. once this week is over, everything will be amazing. summer. i got a 73 on my practice regents in chem. i was so happy :D my teacher even said i had good part c (the short answer questions) answers, and that i was getting better. im happy about that. maybe i wont fail chem after all. my stomach kind of hurts. i was doing my fashion project before, because adamo said my figures were out of proportion. so i had to re do it. ugh, thats the only thing im stressing about though. fashion. really? thats what i have to worry about on the last week of school? its retarded. oh well. my spacebar is being stupid and barely working. but, im going to try and go to bed early. im glad everything is okay now. im pretty lucky. i love you <3

16.

10:50 am - yayay, city :) i had the best time ever yesterday. we left krystens house in the limo at around 11:30 am, and got into the city around 12:30 ish (?) then we walked over to columbus circle, and found nothing but a huge statue with a golden penis. lmao, there was a girl statue too. im not exactly sure why it was there, but it was. then we walked to planet hollywood where this picture was taken. i had the best bbq chicken pizza ever. after that i bought 2 pairs of glasses and a ring, and then we headed over to billabong where i bought a dress, and of course i come home and find out the security tag is still on it >.< hopefuly any random store will take it off for me. after that we went to macys and then headed over to jekyll & hydes. it was so much fun! kryss and steph had to go on stage and dance lmao after kryssy failed to beat box. there was a talking mummy thing that somehow knew what we were all doing and it made krysten run in place and it knew shit about her and stuff. hahahahah, it was just a really good time. then we went to dylans candy bar and by then i felt extremely sick to my stomach because i ate so much all day. but i still got candy and decided to save it for some other time. then we went to starbucks and steph managed to get a free caramel frappucino :X they didnt ask her to pay, oh well. but today, im going to my aunts house. i woke up at like 5 am because a text woke me up, but then i fell back asleep at around 5:40. now im up for good and im gonna go shower and stuff. bye.

edit @ 1:08 pm - i wish i could vent about how i feel right now, but it would be way too obvious. all i can say is im kind of pissed. upset. disapointed. kbye.

15.

9:57 am - no time to take my own picture, getting ready, than off to the city all day with krysten, amy, fran, taylor & steph probably gonna get home around midnight. its gonna be a long day, but fun :D texts are welcome.

11:42 pm - EEP, just got home :D i had an amazing time, but im way too tired to tell you about it now, so i'll do that tomorrow. i havent heard from you in a while, i hope everything is okay. xo.

14.

fashion project :] we have to pick a theme and design day wear, evening wear and a bathing suit inspired by our theme/topic. i picked the 80's. as soon as i got home, i designed all three. they're just rough sketches cause its on the tracing paper, but its a work in progress. im proud of it, even if its not that great. haha, anyways im going to chili's soon! and then im picking up nik and we're gonna watch a movie or two. im so excited for tomorrow! city xD i have to charge my camera before i forget, and im gonna take a lot of pictures because krysten takes none >.<>.< its just a popularity contest, and its annoying. so were some of the people running. but its whatever. i got to be with my best friends for a period, and nik who snuck up behind meh o_O hopefully i get to write tomorrow! i probably will a little in the morning before i leave. im going to krystens at 11:30 and then the limo is coming. eeep, so excited! alright, goodbye <3

edit @ 11:30 pm; okay so blogspot hates me and this is my 3rd time trying to edit without it fucking up. but anyways, tonight the cutest thing happened. it schwas quite amazing, like you :) im in the best mood, and no one will bring me down. my amazing mood will continue throughout tomorrow. city with best friends! eep, goodnight :D <33333

13.

devil doggeh. i come home from school, go to put my stuff away and what do i see on my floor? little shredded up pieces of a styrofoam cup. we can thank little miss annabelle for that. honestly, i dont even know where she got that cup from because last time i checked, i dont keep random cups in my room. anyways, im going to my dads and hanging out with nik. krysten gave me the money for atl/wtk & cartel so my dads going to order the tickets tonight :D im so excited for summer. i dread going to school more and more each day. this weekend is going to be pretty good. tomorrow im hanging out with nik. saturday im going into the city with krysten, amy, fran, taylor & steph for kryss's sweet sixteen. and sunday, i think im going to my aunts. no more italian portfolio, so i dont have to worry about that [: i'll probably hand it in tomorrow, since i just need to print everything tonight and then i'll be done. i feel accomplished. i only have english homework tonight. i'll do that later, and probably write more here. i dont know. i havent been making updates lately. mostly cause i havent had much to say, but we'll see. alright, goodbye :D

12.

i got my tickets for the cab/arttm :) ugh, today was ehh. i was supposed to hang out with nik but i wound up not. mb we will tomorrow, i dont know. i would really enjoy my pacsun order to get to my house. i ordered stuff last night, and i checked it today and the order is still in processing or whatever. i hope it gets here by friday! OH! i finished my italian portfolio :] all i have to do is print out the remaining stuff at my dads tomorrow, and i'll be all set. then i can hand it in on friday and not have to worry about it ever again. i DO, have to read two chapters of a separate peace tonight for english. its the last two chapters, so then i wont have to worry about that either. everything is coming to an end, its amazing. i cant wait for summer. hopefully it'll be as great as i picture it to be. i think i might paint my nails. i have nothing else to do, except for read and do one math problem. which i dnw to do. so i might as well procrastinate more. i havent had much to say these past days. i've had no major problems, so thats good. thats all, goodbye :]

11.

9:23 pm; ^ part of my italian portfolio. it's going to be the death of me, i swear. its so much work. at least i dont have to go in during finals week to take a final for italian, but i think i'd much rather do that then work on this portfolio. its due in like 5 days, and im almost done. but i have to have everything done by thursday so i can print it all at my dads. because my printer is broken. i think im going to go insane >.< style="font-style: italic;">really need to have a notizia when we're already overwhelmed with this portfolio. thank you ms. demartis >.< i'll do my math homework in lunch tomorrow, so i dont have to worry about that tonight. i plan on POSSIBLY finishing my portfolio tonight, but i doubt that will happen. i want it to though, then i will feel so much better & relieved. gah, maybe i should be doing that instead of blogging o_O goodbye!

10.

3:15 pm ; so right now, im kind of in a bad mood. idontknow, i guess it was just a bad day. im confused. well, not really. but i guess im just confused about my feelings? if that makes any sense. i can not wait to get out of that torture house they call a school. its insane, theres only 10 days left. but they are going to go by SO slow, and i feel like pounds and pounds of crap is being loaded onto me and its supposed to be the end of the school year. im glad i took my italian regents last year, so i only have to worry about global and chem during finals week. i've been slowly working on my italian portfolio, pacing myself so i dont stress out too much. brb, i have to help my mom upload pictures to facebook >.< ......... UGH, back lulz. dnl explaining technology to people. honestly, it isnt that hard to upload a picture hahahaha. but, its whatever. im just not a good explainer. this is why i will never become a teacher. and this is why parents shouldnt have facebooks. sigh, oh wells. but yeah, i dont know what else to say right now. i feel so blah. and overwhelmed. ugh, i'll probably write more later - bye.