34.

3:04 pm - tehe, hot guitarist ^_^ okay, what the shit. why am i smiling, i have no reason to be. you're leaving me. i know you miss it, but what about me? do i matter the slightest bit? i know im not going to be the reason you would stay, but do you care that im fucking upset as hell? im never going to see you again in my life. thats what hurts the most. it would be different if i got to see you next year in school or something, but never again? thats what hurts me the most. i have so much more i could say, but i want to avoid tears. i've cried enough today. and these past two weeks. hopefully the last time i see you will be amazing, and who knows, maybe it'll change something. but i doubt it. im going to fucking miss you. so will a lot of other people. mall with sayum, paloma and izzy later probs. goodbye.

10:37 pm - i got back from the outlets with sayum a while ago. paloma and izzy had to stay home and help set up for lomas party tomorrow. cant wait for that, it'll get my mind off shit. too bad its back on my mind now, and its not going anywhere anytime soon. it keeps fucking repeating like a broken record, im only going to see you once more in my whole entire life. i cant believe this is coming to an end. honestly, im being so fucking obvious right now, and i dont give a shit. its my blog. i can say whatever the fuck i want. sorry for the language, but im just like so upset right now, that its starting to turn into anger. FUCK. i dont know what to do with myself. im going crazy. look at what im going through, and you just cant wait to be fucking done with me. sorry that im terrible, i mean i only did plenty of nice things for you. you even said it was the coolest thing someone's done for you. hm, way to be obvious amanda. i dont fucking give a shit. lmao, this is getting intense. i feel like i could go on forever. so, im going to continue. i bet this is entertaining. anyways, i bet you dont care at all for me. im probably the biggest annoyance in your life right now, and im probably helping to drive you away. cool. sorry im not fucking perfect. gah, im so done with you. but then again, i dont want you to leave. confusing right? what isnt these days. i dont even know what to do anymore. you probably dont want to see me one last time, but guess what, you're gonna anyways. thats the least you could do. you cant just pick up and leave, you really cant. im going to fucking miss you. xo