57.

it wont let me change the size of the image and its quite irritating. speaking of irritating, YOU ARE. you don't trust me at all. it's pretty ridiculous. im fucking sixteen years old, i'm not a little kid anymore. so why can't you trust me at all? it's so stupid i cant even begin to explain. you treat me like i'm 10 years old. fucking retarded. anyways, on a better note, this time tomorrow i shall be a very happy camper :D im hanging out with steve, wooh! aha, so that'll be funnn. with the exception of my sister who will probably even more annoying than she usually is. that's how it goes whenever i have a guy over. so im listening to christmas music? cool. i love christmas time, :] its so pretty! like, the christmas tree. haha. speak of the devil, my mother just called. FUN. haha. im getting so fucking pissed off. so im gonna end this now. bye.

edit; so i got off the phone with my mom, and that pretty much changed my mood around completely. basically, i can only see steve for an hour. if i even do see him. good thing im in a horrible mood and i havent finished my homework. fuck u.s. history. tomorrow is going to be so shitty. i dont want to sit through school. and come home, and do more work. i have an italian project due in 15 days. that i dont even know what im doing. IB sucks ass. people suck, too. except for you. and my friends. haha, blah :| i dont get how everything can be going perfectly and then it just comes crashing down out of no where. that makes no sense to me. except that's usually what happens with everything in life. listening to kissing in cars on repeat, WIN. you're pretty much the only thing that's keeping me sane right now. thank you, xo.

56.

no one reads this thing, so i figured it'd be a good spot to come back to and write when i felt like it. right now is one of those times. so im listening to kissing in cars on repeat. kind of depressing me, but im not in a good mood. so its okay. i've just been thinking and i dont think this is going to work. i mean it technically could, but it'd be hard. and you dont even fucking try or make any effort. you dont even show me how you're feeling. how am i supposed to deal with that? its not possible. you arent making it possible. idk how much longer i can continue with this. even though i want to, a lot. i want to see you. but you dont even try. but yet you want to see me too? oh really? then why dont you fucking try. i dont get you. i dont get this whole situation. i've been slowly giving up from the beginning. thanks, thanks a lot, for not showing me how you really feel. thanks for making me feel this way, upset and doubtful. thank you so fucking much.

55.

im not gonna do picture while im in pennsylvania. anyways, hello! im pretty bored. im at the pool and my laptop is going to die extremely soon. actually, i have 37 minutes but it will definitely die faster than that. uh, lets see. the phone service sucks here, the internet sucks at our trailer. and i really dont have much to do. i have till friday though, so its not terrible. everything is going well with you :) except for the fact that its really hard to talk since i have like no service, but yanno, its all good. sam's sweet sixteen is on friday! i cant wait :D i miss her so much, and all my other friends. and you. :) im gonna end this post cause i have nothing to talk about, cause we havent done anything exciting. this will prob be the rest of my week. GOOD TIMES. i should go make some friends, lmao. kay bye.

54.

i am currently sitting on a rock down the road from my trailer in pennsylvania in order to get internet connect. lmfaoooo. okay, i need to go back now. bye!

52.

i dont feel like writing today. today was extremely boring. i went to my uncles house all day. they played horrible music, lmfao. the end!

51.

right now im kind of bummed. im being ignored, and im not sure why. i mean i didnt do anything, and you didnt want anything to change. maybe im just worrying too much like usual. except i have a feeling something happened. D: i dont know what to do. i hate this so much. everything was fine all day. and now its just like, what the fuck. i really hope im just over-thinking this whole thing. fml. now im just in a really bad mood. this better be resolved by tomorrow, because i hate conflicts. any type of them. asdfghjkl. i dont know what else to say, im just upset. anyways, i went to the outlets and got a pair of white vans, a shirt, dress & 2 scarve thingies. they're all very cute. tomorrow i need to pack for 'vacation' to pennsylvania. i guess it will be fun. i wish i could visit tyler while im there, but he lives 2 hours from where im going to be :\ maybe he'll come drive to see me anyways, who knows haha. for like the zero people reading this, i met tyler at warped. he was filling in for the guitarist of kelsey and the chaos, and now he's permanently (sp?) in the band. i love him :D i need to get my mind off things, but music isnt helping. music always helps, but right now its just pissing me off. i knew i was wasting my time. you say im not, but now i just dont know. did people tell you wrong information? are you taking things the wrong way? or are there no problems at all and im just blowing this whole thing out of proportion? i guess i'll try you again later. im out for now, bye.

50.

ha, i wish i took this picture. its sweet. i want a camera that can take pictures like this. too bad their a zillion dollars, and i dont want to waste all my money on one when i have a perfectly fine camera. eeeek, my dad is here. i will edit later. bye!

edit; herroh, im back for the edit. its 10:55 pm and i got back from the movies an hour-ish ago. me, amy, joe & vinnie saw orphan. it was the most messed up thing i have ever seen. im not even going to talk about it cause i'll just scare myself. yes, i get extremely scared over scary movies. dont make fun of me x_x i got some pretty sweet advice tonight, and that was 'dont give up'. except you're just making it so fucking easy to give up on you. so i dont know what to do anymore. you're kind of pissing me off in a way, because you're supposedly into me, but you dont show it. so i dont know what you're trying to do here. yay for being extremely obvious <3. i dont care. maybe i'll write more later. i dont know. goodnight.

49.

haaay :] its 11:52 pm haha i made it just in time. i spent all day with amy :D we had the house to ourselves. we walked to get pizza and ice cream and then we walked to target. it was brutally hot out -_- we put little index cards around the store promoting a band lmfao which im not gonna name, just because. im gonna cut this short today. bye! write later possibly

48.

2:55 pm - today was pretty un-eventful for so far. in an hour im leaving for the vibe lounge with amy to go see table 21 and under spinning lights. then im staying at amy's for the night :] so it should be a fun night. then tomorrow amy is coming back home with me (hopefully) and we have the house to ourselves ;D so who knows what we'll do. probably nothing lmao. but we shall see. that picture was taken from my phone, i think its pretty good quality for a phone camera. haha okay im done writing pointless shit. i'd edit later but i wont be home to do that. so i'll write about today, tomorrow. plus my blog for tomorrow. i hope that made sense. kbai!

47.

today was awesome :D this picture is old. but i needed a picture. whatever. i went to the mall with amy and i got 2 pairs of skinny jeans. this guy that worked at pacsun was determined to get us to buy this pair of shoes lmao, idk why. but they were a size 10 and 1/2 and i dont know anyone that's that size (well i probably do but i dont go around asking my friends shoe sizes!) or i would have so bought them haha just to shut the dude up. plus he said he'd give us his balloon rabbit with them hahahaha. then we met up with matt and joe and other people. slightly awkward at first, but it got better, so that was good. i dont really have much to say about that haha, it was a fun time though. then amy's dad came and got us and we all left. hm, what else. oh. you finally know for sure. now what? i dont know. we'll have to see how everything goes. but im not gonna get my hopes up. i try not to for anything, cause you never know. um, some people annoy me. you - shut up. at least you have someone. i would never say anything like that directly to you though cause i dont mean it to be bitchy, but seriously just chill out. you know i love you and we are best friends, but you just have to control yourself sometimes. kay, im done now. you're cute ;) xo.

46.

6:25 pm - ^^^ thats elvis. this picture is kind of old, but whatever. i refuse to use any pictures but my own, cause this is my blog. um, so i just had to restart my computer because the internet wasnt working. it took about a full 20 minutes to restart. some of the keys barely work. like the space bar and some of the letters. i think its time for a new laptop. this thing freezes when im typing in my status on facebook hahaha. anyways, today was pretty good so far. my mom woke me up at 11. i went to my dads around one and i saw the family again. we played games and stuff and in about 20 minutes we are going out to faletto's for dinner. it should be fun. my mom is kind of mad at me, but whatever. i get to see you tomorrow :) im exciteddd. eep :D i get to share the room with my brother tonight, fun stuff! not. well im going to go freshen up -okay that sounds really weird and makes me seem old- for dinner. lmao, bye :]

45.

random picture ftw. i look demented. i didnt forget to blog :D alright, anyways ; you're fucking retarded. if you want to talk to me, cut the crap and just talk to me. you dont need to call me at 3 in the morning to try and get my attention. i'd gladly talk to you, although you're one of the biggest assholes i've met. and i can say this because i can 100% guarantee you wont be reading this. and if you do, i dont really care. im going into the city today :] i have 50 minutes before my dad comes and im still not ready. and he will probably be early, as usual. as for you, i still dont think you've got the hint yet. i've been more than obvious without actually saying anything. i think im hoping for too much. i should just be happy with the way things are. but i dont know. i should go finish getting ready now. i'll probably edit later.

"now i wanna know are you catching my drift yet?" - a rocket to the moon

edit ; haaai. so today/tonight i went into the city with a bunch of family. lets see, there was 14 of us. 7 in each car. in one car it was me, my dad, step mom, ilana, mom-mom, poppy, and maddie. in the other car it was uncle bob, aunt debbie, jackie, dani, adam & brandon. we all went out to dinner at ellen's stardust diner. it was pretty cool. all the waiters/waitresses sing and stuff. it was right near times square. im going back tomorrow to hang with everyone, and we have a bbq planned as long as it doesnt rain. i've been working on my singing lol, i guess thats going okay. i dont really plan on doing anything but i just want to be able to sing. haha. anyways. im really looking foward to seeing you :) im just going to use some common sense and tell myself that you must be into me somewhat. i mean, if i think about how much we talk, and things you say to me, it shows something. you amaze me. xo.

44.

ohhay. so i decided that im going to start this thing back up. good thing my blogs are exciting? hah not. anyways, epic picture ;] chocolate fountains are officially the most amazing thing ever created. i had a bunch of family + amy/kryss over for my birthday, which was a week ago. of course, it rained and we all had to cram inside. cause yanno, why would it ever not rain when my family tries to have a partay. but i had a good time ^_^ hmm, how the shit can i make it any clearer that i like you? maybe you already know that and im worrying about nothing. but i always worry about nothing, so no surprise there. i want to tell you, but im not gonna :x im proud of myself for acting the way i've been acting. i usually fuck everything up, but i havent yet. i think im making this extremely obvious, but whatever. i dont care :) i probably sound like a broken record by now, lmao. i dont care though. im just not gonna say anything... yet. im going into the citytomorrow with a shitload of family thats visiting from florida, ohio and westchester. i miss them all. i havent seen them since december D: my moms pissed im going cause they arent my 'real' family. speaking of my mother, her and my stepdad believe i have stopped this blog, so hopefully they dont go back to stalking it again. lmfao, i saw that my blog was on their top visited websites on their laptop. REALLY GUYS?! i dont really have anything left to say. hopefully i dont forget to write in this tomorrow, or else i'll be pissed. goodnight <3>
edit; lol, well. i was happy like 2 minutes ago. but now im not. sucks huh? i think i give up. who was i kidding?

43.

so im randomly writing again. because i cant contain myself anymore. yes that is my current facebook default. but i wanted a picture. anyways, holyshit. i havent been this happy in a while. i wish you knew it was you making me happy. well, maybe you do. but im not gonna say anything. not yet :] or ever. lmao, idk! im just fine with the way things are for now. you make me smile alotalotalot. gtfhdjskal. GAHH. you're pretty amazing :D

42.

wow, so i guess i took a pretty long fucking break from this thing. but, i felt like blogging randomly. so whatever. i went to boys like girls / the academy is / the veronicas and nevershoutnever. in the pouring rain. it was terrible! but we got baracade and i got to see christofer drew :) we stayed for everyone but gym class heroes and boys like girls because it started to turrential downpour and it was just too much. so much of the crowd left, i felt bad :\ the veronicas were wearing garbage bag dresses. hahaha, it sounds retarded but they actually looked pretty cool. at least for garbage bag dresses. they had to wear towels around themselves while they were preforming cause they were fucking freezing. they had cool accents though hahaha. anyways, its my birfday :D it doesnt feel like it haha. gah, you make meh so happy :) idk how this would ever work but we'll see what happens. idunno, i hope something happens. but, im not gonna fuck this one up. im only writing here cause i cant tell this all to you, and i just need to get it out. but i wonder how you feel. im not gonna ask. im happy with how things are right now. gahhhh(:

41.

10:26 pm - i dont think the picture could get any more random than this. its from yesterday actually, at the mall. amy and i went around 4:30/5:00 and we shopped around for a little bit. then at 6, we went over to hot topic to go see under spinning lights. too fucking bad they only let 35 people in the store >:[ it was okay though, because we got japanese food and waited for krysten to meet up with us. we were all sitting and talking about things, waiting for them to be finished playing. they kind of got kicked out of the mall by security :\ a little while later, dom came back & we chilled with him for a while. lmao, i could say some shit about that, but i dont really need to. then we went back to amys house, and stayed up till 5am doing whatever. it was a really good night :) there were so many fucking cute kids at the mall. someone waved to me, but i didnt wave back because i feel like an idiot waving at someone if they arent really waving at you. yanno? lmao. anyways, i wrote about yesterday because nothing really happened today. i left amys around 2. i had a huge headache, so i kinda just sat around the rest of the day. its finally starting to go away. the fourth of july is soon :) im having a few people over for it. idk what we're doing yet. whateverrrr. i wanna go back to the mall soon though. okaibye(:

40.

i have some words for you- you're an asshole (: anyways, getting ready. going to see under spinning lights at the mall. then hanging out with them. sleeping over amys. i'll write tomorrow about today. if that makes sense. lulz, bai !

39.

fuckkkkkk. its 12:25 am. but it still says tuesday? scoreeeee :D no one needs to know i kinda sorta missed a day. hmm, today wasnt productive at all. i figured out rides for the mall tomorrow, because me krysten and amy are going to see under spinning lights. at hot topic, and then we're hanging out with them. then we're sleeping over amys :] do fucking want them all. tomorrow will be a good day. OH! jacob wanted me to say hai to him in here, so hai jacob :] you big floppy fish you. lmfaoooo. <3

38.

write later.

12:19 am - okay, so its technically tuesday. but i didnt get to write till now. i woke up around 10, got ready, and then went to the beach with krysten. this was one of the many pictures we took. we had a really good time :D then, we both went home and showered and shit, and walked to carvel together with katrina. katrina left us, and kryss came back to my house. then amy came over, and we chilled for a bit, till taylor and steph wanted us to walk to target. so we did that, and i bought candy, which is already pretty much gone. then me, amy and kryss hung out together. it was fun :] there was a lot of laughs today. lmao, push popsssss. good times. i fucking love my bestfriends, and the summer. wednesday, im going to the mall to see under spinning lights at hot topic, then we're chilling with them after :D gonna be fun. xo

37.

9:46 pm - just got back from wicks park with katrina not too long ago. i was supposed to hangout with sayum, but she couldnt get a ride over. anyways, we walked to the park, where i took this picture, and talked about things. she told me about prom, and i told her about my problems. i love having talks like that. we can be so open with each other, its amazing. i thought about some really interesting things as we were talking. its amazing how two people, friends or lovers, can be so close, and then the next day they mean pretty much nothing to each other. its just so weird. i dont want that to happen with my friends, because its already happened with other people. its really fucking sad. im usually not the type of person to just stop all contact with another. i usually try and stay in touch. i met some cool people in florida in april, and i still talk to them to this day. i cant stand losing people. and i think a lot of others feel the same way. my friend jordan from florida told me something on the last night we were there. it was "gosh i hate this....for some reason its bothering me that i'll never see you guys again...but im gonna go to sleep that way i dont get sad too much." i dont know, i just thought it was adorable. i miss them, just like im going to miss you. and im going to feel the same exact way jordan did. goodnight, xo.

36.

4:48 pm - so, last night fucking sucked. i guess all good things have to come to an end. i wish this didnt though. i dont know. we'll see what happens. i hate losing people completely, it sucks a lot. so i did absolutely nothing today. im kind of not in the mood to do anything, except for sleep. i dont know, i just feel so alone now. and i hate this feeling. maybe i'll write more later. bye.

35.

1:18 pm - im still upset, but im getting better. i mean, it doesnt even seem like you care, so why should i? i give myself this advice, but i dont follow it. i wish i would, but its hard. anyways, i got a hair cut at like 9:30 am. i dont know why so early, but whatever. i just got it trimmed, and got shorter bangs. im happy with it. i really have nothing to say, i just wish you wouldnt leave. being obvious once again, but who the fuck cares. speaking of caring, i dont think you realize how much i do care. and theres plenty of other people who do, and who will miss you. okay, i swear im done talking about this whole situation. i just wish you'd talk to me about it, but you're not. and i think you should. goodbye.

34.

3:04 pm - tehe, hot guitarist ^_^ okay, what the shit. why am i smiling, i have no reason to be. you're leaving me. i know you miss it, but what about me? do i matter the slightest bit? i know im not going to be the reason you would stay, but do you care that im fucking upset as hell? im never going to see you again in my life. thats what hurts the most. it would be different if i got to see you next year in school or something, but never again? thats what hurts me the most. i have so much more i could say, but i want to avoid tears. i've cried enough today. and these past two weeks. hopefully the last time i see you will be amazing, and who knows, maybe it'll change something. but i doubt it. im going to fucking miss you. so will a lot of other people. mall with sayum, paloma and izzy later probs. goodbye.

10:37 pm - i got back from the outlets with sayum a while ago. paloma and izzy had to stay home and help set up for lomas party tomorrow. cant wait for that, it'll get my mind off shit. too bad its back on my mind now, and its not going anywhere anytime soon. it keeps fucking repeating like a broken record, im only going to see you once more in my whole entire life. i cant believe this is coming to an end. honestly, im being so fucking obvious right now, and i dont give a shit. its my blog. i can say whatever the fuck i want. sorry for the language, but im just like so upset right now, that its starting to turn into anger. FUCK. i dont know what to do with myself. im going crazy. look at what im going through, and you just cant wait to be fucking done with me. sorry that im terrible, i mean i only did plenty of nice things for you. you even said it was the coolest thing someone's done for you. hm, way to be obvious amanda. i dont fucking give a shit. lmao, this is getting intense. i feel like i could go on forever. so, im going to continue. i bet this is entertaining. anyways, i bet you dont care at all for me. im probably the biggest annoyance in your life right now, and im probably helping to drive you away. cool. sorry im not fucking perfect. gah, im so done with you. but then again, i dont want you to leave. confusing right? what isnt these days. i dont even know what to do anymore. you probably dont want to see me one last time, but guess what, you're gonna anyways. thats the least you could do. you cant just pick up and leave, you really cant. im going to fucking miss you. xo

33.

eeeek, no picture again today. im slacking >.< but i dont even have a desire to write in here anymore, now that i know my whole family stalks my blog. its one thing if they do it, but they dont have to tell me they do. they're probably reading this as a matter of fact. uhm, today im going to a demi lovato concert. hahahahahaha. my dad got free tickets, and is pretty much making me go. but, i guess it will be fun. i probably wont have time to write later. my parents say im 'addicted' to my computer. i think they're wrong. i just want to talk to my friends. they're the best friends i could ever ask for <3

32.

>.<

thats my picture for the day, lulz. im not going to write a lot today. finally saw nik todai. tomorrow im gonna be with alanna all day :] my family stalks my blog. so, hi guys! o_O goodnight.

31.

9:49 pm - fortune cookies :D they were from amy's house last friday. they say "dont let unexpected situations throw you" and, "your secret desire to completely change your life will manifest". i thought they were cute. so, today was a little disappointing. it started with me knowing absolutely shit on my math final. good thing it wasnt a regents, or i'd be in summer school. although, i probably didnt do as bad as i think. i couldnt hangout with anyone tonight, because they all have early tests tomorrow, and i have none. but, i do think i finally understand something. and i feel terrible about it. not because it's my fault, but just because i feel bad. all the times i've complained about my family. but i really do have it good. im pretty darn lucky. i dont know if you'll read this, or if you'll know it's about you, but as i've told you, im always here for you. and i want you to know that, and understand that im not going anywhere. no matter what, or where we stand. im really sorry that you are upset :( i wish i could help, but there is simply nothing i can do. what i can do, is make you happy in other ways. and i plan on doing that. so anyways, im not going with my family on vacation to pennsylvania in july. to be honest, im pretty happy about that. i dont know, its just not my thing. i dont think my mom and stepdad understand that, but i just dont enjoy it. i will miss them though. its officially summer! too bad it wont stop raining. it doesnt feel like summer at all. actually, this feels so weird. i dont have to go back to school for like, two months or so. i need that to sink in, and then it will feel like summer. and sun. im officially free :D yayayay. oh! i almost forgot to mention my new bestfriend mason. hahahahaha, happy? :] lulz. i think thats all for now, goodbai :D

30.

8:13 pm - i wish i took that picture. went into the city today for fathers day. i saw my grandpa and my aunt. boring :\ but whatever. i have a huge headache. and, tomorrow is my last test. then its officially summer. hopefully the weather will get better. hopefully tomorrow will be a good day :] <3

29.

everything is all worked out :] im so happy :D this picture is SO irrelevant. but i'll make something of it. your dog will always be extremely happy to see you, no matter what. and they can't get mad at you, hahahaha. it sounds so dumb, but its so true. and they give you the best greeting ever. like, they flip a shit when they see you, even if you were only gone for five minutes. okay, im done. lmao, goodbye <3

28.

8:37 pm - bad mood, again. this week has been horrible. i've barely seen you, or talked to you. you haven't been here when i needed you. actually, you haven't really been here at all this week. wtf. this isnt okay. i wonder if you give a shit. we are supposed to be close. i cant really elaborate, because i dont want it to be too obvious.... krysten and taylor just asked me to hangout with them. saviors <3 i'll contine my rant later. i love my bestfriends <3

12:56 am - so, its technically a new day. but all of this shit went down yesterday [friday] and i need to talk about it. 1) i cant believe you. not going to get into detail, but im very very angry and upset. 2) thank you to a certain person, you did the right thing. 3) i love my best friends. they are always here for me and are giving me advice. there's krysten, who always tries to think positive and cheer me up. then there's taylor, who is SO blunt and straight-foward. its pretty actually hilarious. she tells it how it is, and she taught me tonight to not let people walk all over me. lmao, anyways we looked at old yearbooks, talked about stuff, and had a good time. i dont know where i would be without my best friends. they are truly amazing. i love you all <3

27.

10:40 am - its raining, again. i took this picture in december. but i felt like it shows the weather, and my mood. i feel so alone, and cold. i dont get how you could disappear during the conversation we were having. i havent talked to you since. i better talk to you today about it. just got back from the english final, it sucked. and tomorrow i get to write two essays about global. its going to suck even more. dnw. im expecting a text, but i shouldnt sit here staring at my phone. i guess i will go back to sleep, if i can. im extremely upset and kind of mad right now. but thats no different from any other day. im disappointed, too. goodbye.

5:36 pm - stop fucking disappearing when we're talking. i havent had a conversation with you for more than 20 minutes in like a week. what the hell. i barely talk to you or see you. i thought we were close. apparently not, and apparently you dont give a shit. or you just dont show it. by the way to whoever is reading this, dont make assumptions on who its about. some people may know who it's about. but this can be about anyone. so yeah. goodbye.

26.

2:43 pm - i took that a while ago, but i thought it was cool. uhm, just got back from the chem regents. it was alright i guess. i bull shitted a lot of answers, but hopefully i passed. 3 more tests and im officially done. the 22nd is my last test. math. hopefully that will be a good day ;] i still need to find someone to go to the cab with me, that can drive one way. errr, gonna go find some food. idk what im doing later. bye!

5:19 pm - honestly, i dont think you care. so if you dont, i wont bother to care either. the end.

10:11 pm - hmm. barely talked to you all day. as a matter of fact, barely talked to you this whole week. i dont get it. in better news, my bestest friend ever krysten, bought herself and i tickets for nevershoutnever! :D that made my night. im so appreciative to have friends that would do that for me <3 i love youuuuu kryss. but yeah, my night would be made if i could just talk to you. but i dont know. had a fight with mommy earlier in the day. not good. i guess i'll be going to sleep soon, english final tomorrow. bye :\

25.

2:39 pm - trying to study for chem. its really annoying. i dont understand half of it. as long as i pass, im good. my laptop charger is broken. my dad is gonna kill me. maybe we can go get a new one tonight? i dont know. i have no money. maybe not being on the computer since it'll be dead will help me. except then i cant check my answers online. fuckkkker. i just want all the tests to be over. went to amys last night with krysten :] it schwas a good time. i found out something today, and some stuff went down, but i dont know if i can trust you. i mean you are supposed to be one of my bestfriends, but theres just something present in our friendship that throws it off. too many lies, and talking behind my back. i dont know what to do. but i guess i should trust you, and just not worry about it. 43 minutes remaining on my battery. i guess i should finish my chem regents and check my answers before it dies. goodbye!

edit @ 2:50 pm - epic fail. the charger isnt broken, its just not plugged in all the way. i feel like an idiot, lmfao. oh well, at least i have my laptop ^.^

24.

4:34 pm - lololol. out with the best tonight? hopefully <3 SUMMER 2009 :] gonna be amazing.

23.

2:35 pm - i need to do my hair >.<

EDIT @ 10:27 PM - EVERYTHING JUST GOT ERASED. STUPID ASSHOLES.
dnw to retype everything, after i just poured my heart out. hahahahahaha. fml. goodbye!

22.

5:15 pm - a rocket to the moon ftw. taken with my new phone :] now i dont have a piece of shit as a cell. i got the env touch, its pretty cool. probably hanging out with kryss later. i dont know what we're doing yet though. we were gonna go to the mall and meet up with some people, but i dont think that's happening anymore. oh well! i did a little bit of my fashion project last night. eep, im never going to finish. i need to make sure i finish the concept board this weekend. or im pretty much fucked. its my final grade. ugh, maybe i'll go do that now. i probably should. and i'll probably edit later. goodbye <3

21.

11:19 pm - such a cute picture :] it makes me want to go to the beach. hung out with nik all night. we watched quarantine, eeep. sao scary. cause i dont like scary movies, but i do at the same time. the second he exits the car, my dad starts ranting. but whatever. he bought nik an all time low ticket, which he's gonna pay him back for. but just incase it sells out, he got it now. i appreciate the fact my dad did that, but apparently he doesnt think i do. just because i didnt say "oh thanks for buying him a ticket" or something along those lines. honestly, i think its pretty dumb. i was appreciative, i just didnt say anything. im not perfect, so what? haha i give up. im gonna work on my fashion project some more tonight probably. there isnt too much i can do. i dont have any desire to do it. i dont know, maybe it'll be fun? lol its fashion. it cant be that bad. so the prank today of pulling the fire alarm during the rain aaaaand senior awards, pretty genious. but it kind of sucked. lolol mr. stewart is so fucking pissed. i would be too. but i give props to who ever did it :P but im really tired. and dont know what to write anymore. i had a good night, all because of you :] xo.

20.

8:19 pm - the making of my wall. and my dirty vanity :X eep, whatever. today was decent. i found out i get my braces off july 21st :D im so freaking excited for that. AND that day i have the cab / a rocket to the moon. its gonna be a good day (: making the mold for my retainers was torture. the "strawberry" flavored mold tasted like shit. and it got all over the place. but it was over soon enough. then i hung out with nik. and now im back at my moms. danny made me download skype, and now im trying to figure this shit out. blaaah. probably gonna do some of my fashion project later. considering tmw is the last day? true. school is almost over. YAY! goodbye(:

19.

6:31 pm - meeeep, no picture today. im at my grandmas on her slow ass computer writing this and i dont have the patience to find a picture, because it will take ages. hahaha, anyways im at my grandmas (obviously). i went home early today because i felt like shit. i got home and i had the worst cramps ( eeeep >.< ) and tried falling asleep but pretty much failed. then when i finally fell asleep, my mom woke me up because it was time to go to my grandmas. i had no homework last night, or tonight. i'll probably have to make it up though since i probably had math homework. im nowhere near done with my fashion project. so before i decided that i wish i was a good singer. some people think im good, but i dont see the logic behind that. i wouldnt know, because you always sound amazing to yourself. why do you think those horrible people try out for american idol? either just to be on tv, because they know they put the really bad people on, or because they think they're amazing. its kind of funny actually. i guess im not that bad haha. this is probably going to be a long entry, because im bored as fuck. also because im enjoying the sound this keyboard is making, lmfaolmfao. i get amused by the littlest things. anyways, i cant believe school is almost over. it doesnt feel like it at all. and when i say at all, i mean at all. i dont know, i cant believe next year im going to be a junior and have to start looking at colleges. holy shit. get that thought out of my head. eeep, mb i'll find a picture for this post. but i dont really know what to put. i swear this computer is the slowest thing everrrrrrr. ghfdjxkls. its pissing me off. im listening to goot. if you've never heard of them, go listen. they have a different sound, but its really good, :D beep. i think im done for now. goodbye!

8:58 pm - i added a picture! aladdin! its my favorite kid movie ever ever ever. <3333 its on tv right now and im watching it lmao, it happens to be my favorite part. now im in a really good mood. dont judge me [:

18.

8:43 pm - new shoes ftw. i came to the conclusion my camera sucks ass. and that i want a new one for my bday. i would appreciate it if school ended sooner than later. it just needs to all be over. i cant wait for summer. i need to have my room cleaned by monday, or my internet gets shut off. or at least thats what my stepdad says. maybe i'll start that tonight. i want my room clean anyways. now my mom is in my room. and i has to go. goodbai !

9:00 pm - okay, im back. lol i enjoy the fact both my parents read my blog. hi mom and dad! :\ hahahahaha, its whatever. they arent allowed to yell at me for anything i say here :] lmao anyways, im in an okay mood. i should work on my fashion stuff. considering its due FRIDAY and im no where near done. i guess i will go do that. goodbye againnn. sorry for the lack of words today.

17.

4:57 pm - bad mood. people are annoying me today. im pissed off. and yeah. i wanted to see you, but yeah... meh :\ i just want to cry. i need school to be over. i need everything to be better. my dad is pissing me off, alot. he asks if im in a bad mood, so he obviously can sense im in one. COOL. MY DAD FUCKING SHUT MY TEXTS OFF. FUCK THE WORLD.

10:09 pm - so yeah, i kind of just left before. thats because i was pissed off. i wanted my texts back, since i was in mid conversation with people. so instead of getting my texts kept off, i gave him my computer. obviously, i have it back now. and i have my texts too. sweet.but im still not in that good of a mood. sunday/today were bad days. its going to get better. once this week is over, everything will be amazing. summer. i got a 73 on my practice regents in chem. i was so happy :D my teacher even said i had good part c (the short answer questions) answers, and that i was getting better. im happy about that. maybe i wont fail chem after all. my stomach kind of hurts. i was doing my fashion project before, because adamo said my figures were out of proportion. so i had to re do it. ugh, thats the only thing im stressing about though. fashion. really? thats what i have to worry about on the last week of school? its retarded. oh well. my spacebar is being stupid and barely working. but, im going to try and go to bed early. im glad everything is okay now. im pretty lucky. i love you <3

16.

10:50 am - yayay, city :) i had the best time ever yesterday. we left krystens house in the limo at around 11:30 am, and got into the city around 12:30 ish (?) then we walked over to columbus circle, and found nothing but a huge statue with a golden penis. lmao, there was a girl statue too. im not exactly sure why it was there, but it was. then we walked to planet hollywood where this picture was taken. i had the best bbq chicken pizza ever. after that i bought 2 pairs of glasses and a ring, and then we headed over to billabong where i bought a dress, and of course i come home and find out the security tag is still on it >.< hopefuly any random store will take it off for me. after that we went to macys and then headed over to jekyll & hydes. it was so much fun! kryss and steph had to go on stage and dance lmao after kryssy failed to beat box. there was a talking mummy thing that somehow knew what we were all doing and it made krysten run in place and it knew shit about her and stuff. hahahahah, it was just a really good time. then we went to dylans candy bar and by then i felt extremely sick to my stomach because i ate so much all day. but i still got candy and decided to save it for some other time. then we went to starbucks and steph managed to get a free caramel frappucino :X they didnt ask her to pay, oh well. but today, im going to my aunts house. i woke up at like 5 am because a text woke me up, but then i fell back asleep at around 5:40. now im up for good and im gonna go shower and stuff. bye.

edit @ 1:08 pm - i wish i could vent about how i feel right now, but it would be way too obvious. all i can say is im kind of pissed. upset. disapointed. kbye.

15.

9:57 am - no time to take my own picture, getting ready, than off to the city all day with krysten, amy, fran, taylor & steph probably gonna get home around midnight. its gonna be a long day, but fun :D texts are welcome.

11:42 pm - EEP, just got home :D i had an amazing time, but im way too tired to tell you about it now, so i'll do that tomorrow. i havent heard from you in a while, i hope everything is okay. xo.

14.

fashion project :] we have to pick a theme and design day wear, evening wear and a bathing suit inspired by our theme/topic. i picked the 80's. as soon as i got home, i designed all three. they're just rough sketches cause its on the tracing paper, but its a work in progress. im proud of it, even if its not that great. haha, anyways im going to chili's soon! and then im picking up nik and we're gonna watch a movie or two. im so excited for tomorrow! city xD i have to charge my camera before i forget, and im gonna take a lot of pictures because krysten takes none >.<>.< its just a popularity contest, and its annoying. so were some of the people running. but its whatever. i got to be with my best friends for a period, and nik who snuck up behind meh o_O hopefully i get to write tomorrow! i probably will a little in the morning before i leave. im going to krystens at 11:30 and then the limo is coming. eeep, so excited! alright, goodbye <3

edit @ 11:30 pm; okay so blogspot hates me and this is my 3rd time trying to edit without it fucking up. but anyways, tonight the cutest thing happened. it schwas quite amazing, like you :) im in the best mood, and no one will bring me down. my amazing mood will continue throughout tomorrow. city with best friends! eep, goodnight :D <33333

13.

devil doggeh. i come home from school, go to put my stuff away and what do i see on my floor? little shredded up pieces of a styrofoam cup. we can thank little miss annabelle for that. honestly, i dont even know where she got that cup from because last time i checked, i dont keep random cups in my room. anyways, im going to my dads and hanging out with nik. krysten gave me the money for atl/wtk & cartel so my dads going to order the tickets tonight :D im so excited for summer. i dread going to school more and more each day. this weekend is going to be pretty good. tomorrow im hanging out with nik. saturday im going into the city with krysten, amy, fran, taylor & steph for kryss's sweet sixteen. and sunday, i think im going to my aunts. no more italian portfolio, so i dont have to worry about that [: i'll probably hand it in tomorrow, since i just need to print everything tonight and then i'll be done. i feel accomplished. i only have english homework tonight. i'll do that later, and probably write more here. i dont know. i havent been making updates lately. mostly cause i havent had much to say, but we'll see. alright, goodbye :D

12.

i got my tickets for the cab/arttm :) ugh, today was ehh. i was supposed to hang out with nik but i wound up not. mb we will tomorrow, i dont know. i would really enjoy my pacsun order to get to my house. i ordered stuff last night, and i checked it today and the order is still in processing or whatever. i hope it gets here by friday! OH! i finished my italian portfolio :] all i have to do is print out the remaining stuff at my dads tomorrow, and i'll be all set. then i can hand it in on friday and not have to worry about it ever again. i DO, have to read two chapters of a separate peace tonight for english. its the last two chapters, so then i wont have to worry about that either. everything is coming to an end, its amazing. i cant wait for summer. hopefully it'll be as great as i picture it to be. i think i might paint my nails. i have nothing else to do, except for read and do one math problem. which i dnw to do. so i might as well procrastinate more. i havent had much to say these past days. i've had no major problems, so thats good. thats all, goodbye :]

11.

9:23 pm; ^ part of my italian portfolio. it's going to be the death of me, i swear. its so much work. at least i dont have to go in during finals week to take a final for italian, but i think i'd much rather do that then work on this portfolio. its due in like 5 days, and im almost done. but i have to have everything done by thursday so i can print it all at my dads. because my printer is broken. i think im going to go insane >.< style="font-style: italic;">really need to have a notizia when we're already overwhelmed with this portfolio. thank you ms. demartis >.< i'll do my math homework in lunch tomorrow, so i dont have to worry about that tonight. i plan on POSSIBLY finishing my portfolio tonight, but i doubt that will happen. i want it to though, then i will feel so much better & relieved. gah, maybe i should be doing that instead of blogging o_O goodbye!

10.

3:15 pm ; so right now, im kind of in a bad mood. idontknow, i guess it was just a bad day. im confused. well, not really. but i guess im just confused about my feelings? if that makes any sense. i can not wait to get out of that torture house they call a school. its insane, theres only 10 days left. but they are going to go by SO slow, and i feel like pounds and pounds of crap is being loaded onto me and its supposed to be the end of the school year. im glad i took my italian regents last year, so i only have to worry about global and chem during finals week. i've been slowly working on my italian portfolio, pacing myself so i dont stress out too much. brb, i have to help my mom upload pictures to facebook >.< ......... UGH, back lulz. dnl explaining technology to people. honestly, it isnt that hard to upload a picture hahahaha. but, its whatever. im just not a good explainer. this is why i will never become a teacher. and this is why parents shouldnt have facebooks. sigh, oh wells. but yeah, i dont know what else to say right now. i feel so blah. and overwhelmed. ugh, i'll probably write more later - bye.

9.

1:06 pm ; awe, me and mommy. sao cute. anyways, people are coming over for my brothers bday / confirmation. it'll be fun. im not even sure who's coming, but i'll find out. everyone is supposed to come at 1:30. im in a pretty good mood today :D my sunburn is going away, thank god. i'll write more tonight. bye! :]

edit @ 9:22 pm ; so everyone just left. well, pretty much everyone left by 7:30 but nik stayed till like 9. today, i learned i have absolutely no coordination, because i could not shoot a basketball, lmao - i fail. we have insane amounts of food left over. maybe we'll have people over for dinner tomorrow night. it stayed completely light out till at least 8! its so exciting :D that means summer is coming very soon. i love when its light out kind of late. i wish i could have went to the beach tonight, maybe like sunken meadow. it would've been so pretty out :] maybe next weekend i can do that, i dont know. we'll have to see. its gonna be nice all weekend, so hopefully i'll get to the beach. or maybe we can go on my neighbors boat to the beach. that'd be fun :] im in a good mood right now, and i have been since friday night. im glad everything is getting better. i love you <3

8.

off to the beach with krysten and nik :) this picture is from last time i went with krysten and sayum, and sayum decided to make a masterpiece castle. lmfao, the fishies washed up from sea :( so sad. but i'll write more when i get back! bai :D

edit @ 4:42 pm ; so i realized the times on these blogs are completely incorrect, so from now on i'll start putting a time in my entry before i edit. cause i always put a time for my edit, but not for the regular entry. anyways, i got back from the beach around maybe 2 or 2:30, then nik came back to my house. then i dropped him off home, went to my moms, and realized the whole back of my legs are completely burnt! gah, it hurts so bad. i never put sunscreen on, cause i usually never burn. so im shocked i did. im exhausted, i think its nappy time :] <3

7.

wooh! today was so much fucking better than yesterday and the day before. i feel so relieved now, knowing that you're on the way to feeling better when these past 2 days havent been that great for you. i feel like such a good friend being there you when you needed me :) sayum, i luff you! gah, today was just interesting. scary, nerve wrecking, upsetting. but its all over with now, and now im in a really good mood :] my lights are flickering again >.< (ps, some of this just got erased and idk what i said so i'll try and remember) --> im glad you dont hate meh, and we dont have to be enemys. im glad all the drama is finally starting to stop. :Dedit @ 11:38 pm; so i hung out with sayum and christian tonight. i was fun ^_^ we took the picture above right before me and christ both left. we pretty much just walked to places, and christ abused us o_O lmao, i like this picture a lot. i was happy to put sayum in a good mood since she's been sad lately. im going to the beach tomorrow with nik and kryss. well idk abouts teh nik, cause he wont answer his phone >:[ lulz, we'll see though. i guess im done for today. i love my best friends <3

6.

lulz, its a sad puppy :\ today was a bad day. really bad. i couldnt get that one thought out of my mind. gah, i dont know what to say. just know that i am here for you at all times and you mean so much to me :) i dnw you upset or anything like that. because you are one of my bestfriends, and it hurts when one of your bestfriends is hurting inside. im glad you are kind of better now. i'll write more later, cause im going to my dads house now. bye <3

5.

so today, was my brothers confirmation. i didnt get to go and had to go to school. i got my sister off the bus around 3:45 and then me and my family went to friendlys. i finally got a smoothie! i've wanted one since like forever ago. that would be why its my picture o_O i didnt really know what to put for a picture today anyways. this weekend im going to the beach ^_^ im really excited. i love the beach. you can just lay on a towel on the sand and just relax, listen to your ipod and forget about all your problems. its really relaxing. you can fall asleep to the sound of the ocean. and im going with kryss & nik so i get to be with people i love :) i feel like alot of people werent in great moods today. sayum if you read this, feel better girl <3

edit @ 9:19 pm ; im extremely scared. a little after i posted, i started a family revolution by lowering the television volume. my little sister flipped a shit. >:[ but now im really scared, worried, i dont even know. hopefully tomorrow will be better. <3

edit @ 11:00 pm ; woopsehs, a little too soon. i couldnt help it though, im very emotional right now. i kind of feel fucking retarded right now though. :\ anyways, some shit went down tonight (not bad. more like sad) , and it left me thinking how lucky i am to have the friends that i have. i dont want to lose them, ever.

4.

back to school today, kill me now. today should be... interesting, to say the least. i'll definately be writing when i get home, goodbye :X

edit; so, nik just left :\ school wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. surprisingly, the people i didnt want to see didnt give me any problems. i hope everyone's learning just not to hate. its pointless to do so. i dont know what to feel right now. theres a teeny problem i have, but i know its all in good fun, but sometimes, idontknow, i just dont like it. but its not really worth bringing up. im happy, you're happy, its all good :) today, i realized that you really do care. you care if im upset, mad, or even happy. im glad you do care, not many people do. i love you <3. so this happened last night, but i spent some time with my family outside and also my neighbor. we had a good time and laughed alot. i even talked to my stepdad some, and let me tell yah, i NEVER do. i probably should more. i know you'll never read this, but i do love you. and you're a really good person. im sorry that i dont talk to you that much, i'll try harder. i have nothing else left to say really. maybe i'll write more later. bye(:

edit again; okay well this is going to be my last edit for the day (maybe). i want to talk about my friends. i dont have that many friends in all honesty. and i wanted to dedicate this little section to the friends that i do have. i love you all <3.
sayum - also known as my bbycksz. thank you for understanding. you understand things that sometimes no one else ever would. i feel like we have some of the same problems and its good in the sense that we can talk about it. i love the fact i can tell you anything, and you'll never talk shit about me. we dont even hangout that much, but you're definately one of my closest friends. you always make me laugh, and put me in a good mood if im feeling upset. lmao, i kind of feel like a lesbo now cause i feel like i'd say this stuff to a guy. but i dont care, its the truth. :] thanks for being such a good friend and always being here for me. i love you <3
kryss - let me just tell you, i think its fucking amazing we havent been in ONE fight since kindergarten. we were bestfriends since we were 5 years old and our friendship has only grew. i love the fact that you are so easy going and if we ever do have a problem with each other, we'd talk it out instead of being bitches to each other. i can always count on you, and you're one of the few people i trust. im so glad we're bestfriends :D i love you, and i know we'll be friends till the day we die <3

3.

its extremely nice out today and im loving it. im so glad its finally sunny out and not raining every other day like it was a week or so ago. i was just outside tanning, but i dont do good in extreme weather (either really hot or really cold) so i went inside and decided to blog. my grandma is coming over for dinner tonight. i havent seen her in a while, which is surprising because she is usually always here. it will be great to see her. my mom has been telling me she hasn't been happy lately and its kind of worrying me. everyone doesnt live forever, and i dont want to lose my grandma. well, on a better note, there isnt many school days left :D im super excited for summer, except for going to pennsylvania. ugh, its going to suck being away from you. it'll be hard this summer because we're both going away a lot, so hopefully we'll be away during some of the same times. but i dont have to worry about that yet, i still have all of june (: im listening to green day at the moment, & im remembering when i was littler and i was obsessed with them, and i knew like four songs. hahaha, i was weird. i thought i was so cool for listening to them. its pretty funny actually. i feel like the weather has been changing with my mood? idontknow, its weird. when it was all rainy i wasnt really happy with my life, and now its all sunny and crap and im happier than i've ever been in a while. its kind of cool. i want to go swimming, really badly. my pool is open, but not ready yet. i barely went in it last year, but i think im gonna go in it more this year. i miss my bestfriends, i havent seen them since friday D: hopefully i'll hang out with them next weekend or during the week after school. i still want a smoothie. i'd walk to carvel, but i have no money and no one to go with. maybe i'll go back outside as long as i dont die from the heat. i'll probably wind up writing more later, iloveyou <3

edit; this is the first edit of the day. i changed the picture. i wrote down my feeling about you since im not ready to tell you just yet. but i do want you to know i care about you so much :) <3

edit again; going to bed now, i was so tempted to say iloveyou. it almost slipped out, but i caught it. i do love you, i just dont know if i should tell you yet. goodnight <3

2.

so i woke up today from a nightmare. i've had this one before, although i cant quite remember what it was exactly about. all i know is that i've definitely had it before. i wish i knew what it meant. i always have re-occurring dreams. oh well. today, im probably hanging out with nik, and then going to a barbecue, where i will know no one. we barely even know the people who are having it, yet they are our family friends? i dont really get it. once again, my mom was yelling at me today. i feel like i go through the same thing every single day. i dont know what the problem is sometimes, but i really cant stand fighting. it just pisses me the fuck off. its almost 1pm and im still in my pajamas, but im working on getting ready. i really shouldnt be blogging right now, cause im supposed to be getting ready. oh well, i just need to find something to wear, which usually is the hardest part. im so picky about my clothing and how it fits, its quite annoying. i keep coughing cause im using a shitload of hairspray >.<



edit; its now 9:40pm, and my activities for the day are over. im freaking exhausted. today was a really good day :) it definitely turned out better then i thought it would be. i finally had a cupcake today, and i've been dying for one for a while, lolol. theres SO much i could say, but i just cant seem to put it into words. you are truly amazing whether you think so or not. its the little things that get me, i dont know why, but it just makes me so happy. you make me so happy. ghfjdkslsahjkg. im speachless <333


edit again; okai even though its like five minutes later, i felt that i wanted to write more. i feel like i've been fighting less with my brother, and to be honest - i like it. when we were little, i would be so over protective of him, and show so much love for him. before a while ago, we would fight like crazy, and sometimes even physically fight. i actually was extremely mean to him, but i've found us becoming sort of closer. im glad this is happening because i dont want to grow up and not even talk to him. my mom barely talks to our uncle, which is pretty sad. i'm always complaining about my family, but i guess overall they're pretty sweet. i dont know what else to say. moving on though, i cant stop thinking about the way you make me feel. its the most amazing feeling in the world. i could say so much more, but i dont really want to pour my heart out into this blog. maybe i'll write it down on a piece of paper. i need to tell someone, but i cant just randomly tell it all to you. i love you. <3

1.

well, im moving my blog to here. i dont really remember what i said in my other one. i dont have much to say right now. im glad we can open up to each other. its an amazing feeling knowing that you have people there for you whenever you need them. i love you. and i love all my best friends. <3